As 2009 begins I realize that I am approaching the 27^th anniversary of my introduction to role-playing games (I received my first D&D box set for my birthday in ‘82). In retrospect I can see how much of who I am has been shaped by my love for gaming and an unhealthy addition to polyhedral shapes.  I think of all of the years of joy, creativity, friendship, and laughter that gaming has brought into my life (especially laughter) and it brings a smile to my face.  It is on that note and with the rosy glow of reminiscence that I’d like to take a few moments to share with you a few of my all time greatest gaming memories that still make me laugh and smile…

 

Alas Poor Garret

 

1^st edition AD&D, Garret was a dashing elven thief (for you new guys that’s what us old timers used to call a eladrin rogue).  Garret was awesome!  Everything from his 4 hit points to his 9 armor class rocked.  The girl next door (a “mature” four years older than me) taught my buddy and I how to play; D&D.  It was a truly profound experience for me.  At the time however, I had no idea that what was truly profound (or should I say symbolically prophetic) was not Garret’s life, but ultimately his untimely death. 

 

In our second game session Garret was eaten by a giant beaver.

 

 

My Own Personal Gazebo

 

Many of you have probably heard the gazebo story.  It’s been around for years in gaming circles.  My own first-hand experience happened when I was in the Army while DMing for the first time with a bunch of guys I had just met.  [transcript follows]

 

Me:  As you guys leave the darkness of the woods and enter the quiet, sun-filed meadow you spot a giant obelisk near the center of the …..

 

Billy (good ‘ole boy Texan): Whoa, hold on a minute!  A what?!

 

Me: An obelisk, you know a….

 

Mike (little guy from Jersey [I have no idea what exit]): Wait, wait, wait! [yes he said it three times] I’m not sure what an obelisk is but I fought a basilisk once, and it was BAD-ASS!  The thing was huge and it turned my buddy to stone.

 

Billy: Awwww shit!  Hey Johnboy [he called everyone –boy] is this thing bigger than a basilisk?

 

Me (a bit stunned): Ummm… yeah.  It’s quite a bit bigger.  But it’s just a…

 

Mike:  Wait, wait, wait!  Hold on a second John we gotta come up with a plan first!

 

Me: O-K.  Let me know what you guys decide, I’m going downstairs to get a soda.

 

Twenty minutes later I returned from the cafeteria and found six grown men physically rehearsing their incredibly well planed battle-strategy for attacking the mysterious “enemy”.

 

Impressed by their tactical acumen, I showed them a picture of an obelisk.

 

 

Awesome Power Man

 

Last year, while at a gaming convention I ran a demo game of 4^th edition D&D for a group of new role-players.  I had each player tell everyone about what types of “powers” their characters had (to give everyone an idea of what each other could do).  After one gentleman proudly announced his cleric could “Turn Undead”, I overheard a disappointed young lady exclaim, “Aww man, I wish my character could turn into something undead!”

 

 

Raw, Unbridled Enthusiasm

 

At another convention a friend and I played in a D&D game one night with a guy from the bay area and his eight-year old daughter.  As we were getting ready to play the young girl sat by her dad grinning and watching everyone, but never saying a word.  A completely pure look of absolute joy was on her face and it made all of us smile. 

 

Once we started the DM went around the table and had each of us tell the group our character’s name and who we were, as well as something about our character.  When it got to the shy little girl she slammed her fist on the table as hard as she could and with the absolute deepest, guttural tone an eight-year old girl can muster announced;

“Argh….. My name is Grom, I’m dwarf fighter!  And I like ale!  Argh…” 

Her somewhat surprised father looked at her and said;

“Honey, do you even know what ale is?”

“Argh.  No I don’t.  But Grom does.  And he likes it!”

 

I nearly wet myself laughing…

 

 

Blatant Name-Dropping

 

During the Pacificon Game Expo in ’07 [ http://www.con-quest.com/ ] I had a great opportunity to play in a charity gaming event.  The event was a Call of Cthulhu game being game-mastered by none other than legendary game designer and author Ken Hite [ http://princeofcairo.livejournal.com/ ].  The scenario was excellent (it was a demo of what would become Trail of Cthulhu) and the other players around the table were absolutely incredible.  So much so that it wasn’t until the snack break, three hours in that I realized the guy next to me didn’t really speak with a German accent!

 

Anyway as the night progressed two things became very apparent to me; the players in the game had made this a very “adult” game session and I don’t care much for Saki.   Regrettably I can’t detail the situation that lead up to this, but suffice to say we were creative in our plan to get a 85 year old widow to reveal the information we needed (I assumed she talked in her sleep).  After explaining the plan a visibly disturbed Ken Hite shook his head and announce, “You people disgust me…”

 

Truly the highlight of the expo for me.

 

 

First Impressions

 

I was running a Savage Worlds game set in Shaintar when the heroes were exploring the lair of a cultist beneath a small village.  In the cavern the characters found a bowl of human teeth and a couple of small, child-like skulls.  Eventually things in the cavern turned south and one of the players decided to have his character climb up the well they found to alert the townsfolk above.  I asked him to describe the action:

 

Colin: “Vosh climbs up, jumps onto the rim of the well and shouts to the towns’ people “Are the children good?”

 

Me: “Are you still holding the teeth and skulls?”

 

Colin: “Uh…yeah.  Why?”

 

Me: “Ok here’s what happens.  Your character, Vosh, a slightly deformed goblin, emerges from the well covered in slime, mud, grime, and dripping wet.  He shouts in accented common, a second language for Vosh, “Are the children good?” while holding a handful of children’s teeth and a child’s skull.  The crowd looks shocked and horrified. 

 

Colin: “Ah…wait a minute.  I yell “There’s a monster in the well! We need to kill it!”

 

Me: OK.  “The terrified villagers attack the well monster.  What’s Vosh’s defense score?”

 

Colin: “Seven, why?  Oh no…”

 

 

Quotable Quotes

 

Various bits overheard in the world of gaming…

 

Walking past a table of gamers at DundraCon [ http://www.dundracon.com/ ], “I thought they were Good Nazis.”

 

DM: “Well you could try to grapple it.

Excited Female Player: “Oh Yeah!  I do that!  [turning to the player next to her] What’s a grapple?”

 

During a Call of Cthulhu game, “Once you jump into the room naked you’re kindda committed.”

 

In an elevator at a convention, “Well you know, that’s the trouble with women samurai.”

 

While explaining why his character was stunned into inaction, “I have shell shock! I inherited it, from my father.  He fought in the great war.”

 

 

These are just a few of the hundreds of things that have made me laugh over the years.  Thanks for letting me share.  And thanks to all of those who have rolled some dice with me.