The Dynamics of Adding a New Player to Your Gaming Group
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We recently added another member to our gaming group of one gamemaster and four players. This fifth player is someone a couple of us have known for a while, but up until recently we didn’t even know he was a gamer. We got to talking and he quickly jumped in on our next session. It looks like he could possibly be a solid new addition to the group. This got me to start thinking about a lot of things, including group optimization but also the positives and negatives of adding new players.
The Good – Having more people to game with is always an awesome thing. If you’re a player, you can find more games to gamemaster for you. If you’re a gamemaster, you can easily find more and more great players (kicking the bad ones to the curb!). Meeting new gamers is just cool too. I remember we had this one player join our group and game with us for over a year. He was really a fun and quirky guy. In a few months though, he was going to be leaving for college. He told us he wanted to run a game we’d never played before for the group. I was hesitant on how it would go, because he’d never spoke of being a gamemaster before. But he ran mini-campaign of Delta Green before he left for college and it absolutely rocked. Definitely an awesome experience for everyone that was able to participate in it.
The Bad – New players don’t always work out. I don’t know how it works in other gaming groups, but I’d say for every three new players we invite into the group, one works out as a long term player. The older and wiser we get, our group is becoming better at discerning who will actually fit into our group dynamics well. So we make better choices I think. Also, the older you get you get more discretion with having your own home, mode of transportation, and gaming store to choose from. You’re not locked into wherever mommy and daddy drop you off at for your gaming buddies.
The Ugly – A really bad new player can destroy gaming sessions. I’d almost compare them to bad dates. They suck and are uncomfortable. The only joy you typically get from them is telling the horrible story to friends once it is done. “Man, do you remember how crazy that guy Pete was? He wanted to bring his super Jedi guy with his tricked out X-Wing into our campaign. I mean, he couldn’t have made that character according to the rules. And man, that guy smelled to!”
We all know gamers not only play characters, but usually are unique characters themselves. The nerd-community is a close and tightly niche bunch who sticks together. We have our own nerd hierarchy that we go by. Sometimes adding these unique people to your group work, and other times it doesn’t.
What ideas or opinions do you have about adding a new player to your group?
Leave a Comment
November 30, 2009 at 10:48 am
I think it’s essential to have a group who “get on”. Someone who doesn’t quite fit in just kinda ruins it. I have some great buddies. Alot of them i wouldn’t game with though.
November 30, 2009 at 11:42 am
Sam,
I’ve been reading your blog for some months, and I should encourage you to keep writing posts like this one: straight to the point, brief, open to participate and, from my POV, interesting.
Nowadays I’m a bit afraid of bringing new players to the table, since last attempts failed due to the player or a bad GM’s day (mine, mostly).
But I understand that you’re right, that we should simply give everyone a try and just keep playing with those with whom it’s fun and comfortable. Specially now that we have a pair of vacancies!
Thanks, keep writing!
November 30, 2009 at 6:36 pm
I have created a homebrew game that I’ve been playtesting for years with a wide variety of players. Many players joined for one or two sessions and some players have joined our regular gaming group for weekly games. Over the years I learned a few key points about integrating new players that has worked well to minimize the drama when a new face is brought in to the group.
First, know your gaming group. If your gaming group is only interested in sword and sorcery games, you may not want to introduce them to a hard-core sci-fi gamer. The potential for disagreements and conflict increases when the new player and your group are at odds. On the other hand, if your group is flexible and wants to learn new things, bringing in an ‘expert’ on a game system you’d like to try may be a bonus.
Second, know who you’re thinking of inviting. Talk to your prospective guest about their interests in and outside the game. Learn about their personality, and how reliable they are before you invite them to join a regular game. Nothing is worse that inviting someone to join a game then never having them show up.
Third, and this is the big one, tell everyone involved what to expect. Do not show up one day with the new guy without giving the group a heads up. Don’t bring in a new guy without telling them who has kids, who is married, and the other potential quirks with any gaming group. Whenever a new person is introduced to the group everyone will be a little tense. A sure fire way to offend everyone is to not mention a serious something that later gets turned into an inappropriate comment or joke.
Fourth, when a new person comes to gaming, remind everyone what the expectations are whether that is the ground rules for the game session, how people are expected to behave, how food/snacks are handled, and if/how cussing is handled. Everyone could use a little reminder of the norms for a group and that will help the new player understand what is acceptable for your group.
Last, do not try to change people. Do not ask your group to accommodate a player that will upset the harmony of your games. Do not ask a new player to join your group just to fill a gap. Joining a group cannot be forced with any lasting success, there has to be opportunity and interest by both the group and the new player if it will ever work.
December 1, 2009 at 2:40 am
I find that some times even just a simple matter of personality rather than play style can ruin a new guy’s candidacy for our group.
My girlfriend has been DMing a modified Eberron campaign on 4E and a very charming player who is a laugh to play with — he flirts with all the “hot” female NPCs, but never takes it seriously like he’s trying to compensate for something — but he invited someone to join us and it turned out that he was just this humorless guy that wasn’t interested in making friends at all.
Granted, he was kind of a “i want to hit things” guy who’d probably be happier with Magic and WoW, which was my girlfriend’s primary complaint, but I just couldn’t stand the fact that he had no interest in group camaraderie or hanging out, as if the GM was just a wetware operating system designed to pump out things for him to hit.
December 1, 2009 at 8:16 am
Glad to see someone talking about it openly. I have had severe problem with groups myself. What I found out was that being honest with myself is the always the best option. If a person or group is not working out, the longer you wait, the worse it gets. My past group was a shining example of that.
December 1, 2009 at 4:04 pm
@ misterecho – I have some great buddies that have asked to come play with me. I hate to NOT introduce someone to the hobby, but sometimes you just know it won’t work out. If I have a strong group, I’ll invite the new person. But if my group is still working on meshing, I don’t introduce a new foreigner that could crumble it.
@ Aritz – Thanks for the kudos, Aritz. I’ll be honest, I don’t often invite people to my group. Usually it is the other people in my group. I’m really lucky that one of them is a very social guy and just seems to attract solid gamers to play with. So in that respect, my main group is fairly lucky.
@ SirGryphon – Couldn’t have said it better myself. Your comment is basically a post in itself on the same topics. A bunch of great tips for building a group. I especially agree with the “know your gaming group” part.
@ Matthew Arcilla – LOL, “wetware operating system designed to pump out things for him to hit”. I laugh because I’ve seen this before! It’s almost like these types of players are there to use the GM as a function to get something they want. In my opinion, these types of players don’t ever really find what RPGs really have to offer.
@ Cole – John Lewis, one of our other blog writers, is really great at dumping players when need be. He’s a great GM that has lines of players ready to play. He’s very good at explaining to a player, this isn’t working out (if it isn’t). It’s better for the GM, the player, and the other players. Why make everyone miserable over one thing you have control over?
December 1, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Personally I agree with a few of the points above but it seems like some people, in general, are far too narrow-minded.
I’m all for new additions as long as they have one thing in mind: BE FLEXIBLE. If everyone was more flexible there would be far fewer people getting offended over idiotic things (like comments made about kids/wives/etc..).
The great thing about new players is new energy and new perspectives. It definitely helps me as a player to have someone new to the table that is not only taking it seriously but is hungry to roleplay and/or play. This alone can help me “up my game” as I know that everyone is taking it seriously.
December 2, 2009 at 12:17 am
@Ego: Agreed. I’m generally okay with people who get excited over just hitting things, but there has to be an ability to *roll* with other people as well. It’s less about finding the ONE thing that everybody wants from a game, and more about exercising chemistry – yes social chemistry is a muscle group! – that allows everyone to get what they want, no matter how varying those individual desires may be.
December 2, 2009 at 2:01 am
It’s one of the unwritten house rules of my gaming group: if something happens to change the number of people at the table, you let the GM know prior to the game. And if it’s me who invited someone, I let the players know.
Having a new player I have to split into two parts, as I have players new to roleplaying itself and experienced players who want to join…and I don’t have very many of them.
With new players, I always have a “breaking in” process as they usually turn up for the one session, not expecting to stay on and it’s my job to keep them on. I give them a pre-rolled character, one of the many I have in my folder that I can dust off and insert into the campaign very easily so the player can focus on the mechanics of the game, roleplaying as well as some unfamiliar people perhaps. And of course, if they want to continue playing the possibility of making their own character is a nice little ace up my sleeve.
With an experienced player, I am little more flexible and explain the situation of the campaign. If I am not at a good point in the game for introducing a new character, I tell them this and they might come back the next week when I can integrate them better of have them play an NPC for a session. And if they insist on playing their own character, I explain they might be sitting there for a little while until I can get them to the party…particularly if I ended the last session with the beginning of a space battle.
December 5, 2009 at 11:24 am
As I’ve pointed out before it seems that the main issue for RPGers is that they are so habitual and, at times, inflexible.
I completely understand and respect the want and need to know in advance (for story purposes) but at the same time if you have the opportunity to introduce someone new into roleplaying in general or even with your group why hesitate? I’ve said it before and it just becomes more and more clear that we, as a community, push people away. Maybe it’s just because we’ve dealt with a fair amount of criticism for our hobbies but it just seems so….hypocritical.
December 8, 2009 at 12:23 pm
The Ugly seems like something that could be easily avoided by actually knowing the person you’re bringing into the game. If it’s someone you’ve been introduced to online, meet him for coffee ahead of time and gauge his personality. Don’t be afraid to turn people away if they seem like they wouldn’t be a good fit.
Yeah, new players don’t always work out. I brought two friends to my 4E game and they walked because they said it was “too much like World of Warcraft.” Ouch. But I then replaced them with two great players who I met online. It helps when your new players have experience with the actual game you’re playing.
I strictly avoid inviting spouses or girl/boyfriends to play unless they’re gamers as well. More often than not, they’re a pain to deal with.
I try to keep pools of players to pull from. It helps to stay in touch with various game groups around the local area and to cross pollinate players with other games. That way if you lose someone, you can replace him in a timely manner.
December 31, 2009 at 5:28 pm
A long, long time ago I was forced to ask a player (a guy I had played with on-and-off for years) to leave our group. He had become consistently overbearing and unpleasant. My conversation with him was very difficult – it didn’t help that he was a hot-head. It had to be done, but I dread the thought of being in that position again. I’ve tried to choose my gaming-buddies carefully.
Anybody got any good “war stories” or techniques for elegant (non-cruel) player-dumping?
January 4, 2010 at 10:05 am
It’s like breaking up with a boy/girlfriend. There’s really no “nice” way to do it and sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to save the rest of the group. I’ve had to be the bad guy in the past and I just harden my heart and do what needs to be done. It sucks at first but you get over it.
If a player is overbearing and unpleasant he has personal problems that extend beyond the gaming table.